Strength

Sometimes you come across something so touching and sad and just a reminder how life is so unfair it changes you. I wonder how life sometimes is cruel and it's just not fair. I have come across this blog by a remarkable woman at www.thesphorsaremultiplying.com . It's completely voyeristic for me, I have not felt that my meager words could be of use to her. She lost her baby at 17 months...check out the blog for all the gory details...this happened on 4/7/09.

I really think my troubles are so trivial in comparison...it's really a wake up call for me. I read her entries and try really hard not to just break down and sob. As a mother and woman I hope to God I never have to go through what she did and does on a daily basis. It just makes me kiss my kids and hold them that much closer. I hope I do a smidgen of a good job with what God has entrusted to me.

Bittersweet

Simon for some reason has been going on these little crying jags today. Ya know the cry that means something hurts. Oh it just tugs at those mommy heart strings! So I have been cuddling him after his bath and jammies. Sittin' in his rocker and cuddling. Ahhhh, I miss it already! I know I don't want any more kids but knowing that he'll never be this little again is so sad. I know that just around the corner he'll be squirming to get down off my lap. So, I took some extra time to snuggle and cuddle my littlest guy (while I still can).

Gotta go, the other two are looking for cuddles....still so sweet :)

I'm their mom and they're still little enough to cuddle!

Surprise...

Well, for the past month or so we've been participating in the produce co-op. I love it!!! Yes, love it!

We get the usual suspects, lettuce, spinach, cantaloupe, apples, bananas, celery etc. but we ususally get something else...something that takes one out of their comfort zone. Previously, it's been zucchini, squash, bok choy, and this week........artichokes!

I know the kids usually don't eat them (I use the marinated kind in dinners) but they don't mind the flavor. I might get them to eat one since it's fresh and you dip them. Kids love dip...of any kind. Ketchup, ranch, mustard, whatever!

I am thrilled to try it out...I have already "googled" how to cook them and other recipies. Sometimes I don't even know what to do with the stuff I get. It's awesome. I love to cook and bake....just don't know how most of the time. It's great and so far the recipes have been a hit.

Now I just have to get more propane for the grill :)

Why?

So, Paul says it's them not me. I was supposed to have a 2nd interview today. However, when I was conversing with the HR person last week, I never received a specific time/location. I sent an email yesterday wondering what's up. NO RESPONSE!! So, is that like "She's just not that into you"?

I have checked and rechecked the previous emails wondering if I could have misread them...NOPE!

So back to the drawing board...It's kinda weird. I have put out sooo many resumes and there aren't that many jobs out there. I am starting to get worried.

A confession.....

Soooo, Paul and I were able to go out on Sat. evening (thanks Mom!) We went to his boss's house for wine and karaoke. It was a blast and not wanting to take too much advantage of my mom, we headed home around 10:30. Since we were drinking wine and water, I went potty before I left. (yes, I said potty). In the bathroom, there was a scale....silly me!!! I STEPPED ON IT!!! Yes, I know...morbid curiosity got the best of me. Well, it was pretty much as I expected...NOT good. I even subtracted 5lbs...for summer clothes... still not good.

I MUST now exercise. I am doing better about the eating thing but now....must move the booty!!!

I am going to do it....me and Wii

Starting tomorrow...hehe

Job Hunt

Whew, I am struggling to figure out how to job hunt. It's amazing, the last time I did this. You could actually "pound the pavement" and find a job. Now, if you haven't submitted your resume online, no-go. It's not that I am totally computer illiterate or anything, but really. You think getting stuck in a customer service phone tree is tough??? Try sending your resume into the abyss. I just don't get it. It's not like I have this totally specific set of job skills what I have... it's a little above entry level. No, I am not demeaning my job or skill set. I really have been good in the past getting jobs. I was just taught to go get it. My mom taught me that there are many people applying for the same job and to make sure your name is at the top of their list. You do that by following up and "being a bug in their ear". That is much harder to do these days when it's all done by email and phone interviews. In my line of work I deal with many of the 'senior set' and most people want to know..."where'd the people go" they want to speak to a live person. I never really understood so much as I do now. Can't I just speak or meet with a person????

Feeling inadequate....so much so I can't even spell (Ok, I looked it up)

So, what did I do to deserve a psycho daughter. Really, she belongs to my sister. She was(is) the girly girl, ever popular and emotional one. My Miss Mary will cry at the drop of a hat. No kidding. It's not real it's just that in her head she has imagined some major slight and the world is now against her. She has become (or is trying to) the boss of her brothers. Being the oldest I really was the boss (in my own mind) sooo she likes to 'tattle' or at least "report" on the goings on. When she's reminded by me or her "other mother" Ulli (the great German child raiser) (babysitter seems so unencompassing of what she actually does) we have a meltdown, hence her pseudonym (Meltdown Mary) My mouth drops and I cannot believe what I am hearing as I hope the glass nearby does not shatter, Mary having a cow. With the nicest of corrections or mention of finding something else to do besides tattle, we melt. It's realllly annoying. Really! It is so much so I am contemplating having a drink at 8:30am....and not coffee (unless there's Bailey's involved) .

I have become the Queen of parentheses. I am now drinking 2, yes 2, cups of coffee in the morning....whoa....lots for me ok??? Especially since it's really coffee with my cream and sugar. (Ok, coffeemate and sugar....but I'm lactose intolerant otherwise it's 1/2 & 1/2..mmmm)
I digress.....

So, onto the other one, I feel like such a nag....to Houghton that is. Paul bought into it so he has to put up with it. I am constantly reminded that he's "only 8" (for 2 more weeks anyway) but really do I have to mention to brush your teeth over the sink or to no throw the ball against the wall in your bedroom when it's time for bed??? really?? I do remind him gently 3 or 4 times before I just go "come on dude...really" I just don't get it....I know he's at a disadvantage with that Y chromosome and all but I had hope.....
He is looking forward to the last week of day camp. There is a talent show on Thurs. He's going to sing "God Bless America" with another boy there who is also in the choir with him. I am really nervous because as much as I love his enthusiasm, he really does take after me in the singing department. I hope that this year in choir helps a little. Otherwise, not so good. I hate to say it but well, I must be a realist.

I realized that this is a rambling post. It's my blog, my birthday, so deal with it. I'll cry if I want to.

Continuing on...to feeling inadequate, and yes, I had to look it up, the spelling that is. I cannot let my reputation as a great speller be defiled by a misspelling.

Anyhoo....My ability to do laundry or complete a housecleaning task has dissipated. Not like it was really great to begin with. I have the skills and know-how but the drive, energy desire, nope, nada, zilch, zero. So much so I have taken to giving my socks (that are too small) to my son, who reminds me every morning that he has no clean socks. (never mind I just bought 3 new pkgs. ...but those are for school).....and my kids are picking out their clothes from the albeit clean but unfolded laundry basket in my room....sorry Mom.

My goal, (on my b-day nonetheless) is to get all of the laundry done. Or at least most of it....I do know that there is pizza and wine and friendship waiting for me at the end of the day....so I'll feel less of the Catholic guilt if I do laundry....even on my b-day.