Doubt...

I was wondering, I am doing the right things by the kids. While I am in limbo, part-time working and staying at home, I wonder. I like my job, I do NOT like getting up at 3:30am. I miss my husband. I feel the gaps getting wider and wider. Then, we have a few stolen minutes to catch up on schedules and "Oh yeah, did I mention...?" I daydream of being able to wake up and make breakfast that's not previously frozen or requires milk in a bowl. (unless they want it) I love the thought of kissing my husband good-bye on his way out the door. Is it totally June Cleaver, sure but I think it's the connection mostly. In reality I am sure it wouldn't happen all the time or be the norm but, I would like the opportunity. I am pleasantly content with our situation it can always be worse. I know our goals and we're working toward them. I think I may even be more patient than Paul on this. I also wonder what our days would be like without running to extra-curricular activities...I get glimpses of it on days where we have a day off from them or kids are sick. I realize what could be, what I think I might like. I also remind myself that I wouldn't get out as much and I would probably eventually be sad and miss my friends sooner rather than later. I does help that we have kids that get along and have activities together.
I am insecure. I would hope that they would not forget about me or just not call to invite me out. I have that fear, not being liked. (I am being my own shrink now too) I feel inadequate. I want to be active and go out and belong and play with my kids. I also want to lay on the couch watching nothing particular on TV and take a nap. (showering optional) I guess right now I am somewhere in between. Small victories?